(If you're not in the mood to read something draggy and boring, you can very well fuck off right now.)

Cause i am not pretty, cause i am not hot and that is why i feel so alone and so lost. i wish i was pretty, i wish i was cute, i wish i wasnt like this then i would be loved.

you have to be pretty to have friends and be loved. superficial and shallow, but its true.

Cause you will never know how it feels like. Cause this is not going to end soon. Cause i am too nice.

Sometimes, i really wish i was never this nice. I wish i could really be mean and straightforward. I wish I didn't have to put on a cheery facade all the time. All this pretense, i'm getting so sick and tired of it all. I have lost the person i once was.

I'm too nice. I don't know why. I don't know what i get in return for being nice seriously, cause no one appreciates, no one cares. actually i don't really care if anyone appreciates or not, cause if i am nice to them, it means i love/like them and i'd do anything to make them smile. but in return you know, sometimes you just yearn for someone to do nice things for you too. i've always been the loser, the one at the losing end. the one that wants to make everyone smile. why do i make others smile when i myself am not alright?

when someone does something to make me angry, i want to get angry, i really wanna give them a piece of my mind, but you know i can't. i just say a few words, get irritated for a while, and then after a while i feel bad for the things i said eariler and i say sorry. why? again, i cant answer that.

and right now there's no one close. everyone are just friends. i feel so insecure, like there's no one around me anymore. sometimes, i think we are close but then at times we just feel like strangers. like no one is true anymore. you are just a past time for everyone. you know this feeling sucks. for a moment i feel we are close and then they remind me that we are just F.R.I.E.N.D.S. i've got their back, but they don't have mine.

i smile and i laugh and i really pretend like everything is alright, but you know nothing feels right. everything's so hollow, everything's so empty. if i smile and laugh, its just all fake, i do them for the sake of it. deep down, i wanna sit and cry. but then again, would anyone be there to watch me cry. no.

cause its so easy to find people who want to sit and laugh with you but its so hard to find just that one person who would sit beside you and watch you cry. no one has the time for you and your problems. this is life.

cause i trust too easily. when you're someone i am consider myself close too, i give you all my trust. i tell you everything about myself cause i trust you. i let you be a part of my life cause i trust you. but then again, who cares about trust anymore?

now you tell me, what should i do now that i hit the ground so bad. it hurts so badly that i don't even know what pain feels like anymore. i've become so numb to this feeling. i try not to be bothered by what surrounds, but sometimes i lose my way.

no one knows how i feel. i wish someone could help mend all these broken pieces. i wish someone could make me whole again. i just need someone true. maybe it could just be you.

i have never felt this alone. there are SO many people around me, yet, i feel so alone.

yet, tomorrow when i go to school, i'll greet everone with a smile again and i'd laugh again.
but they're all fucking fake.

being in my shoes suck.
i may have parents that care, i may have materialistic needs, but hell i don have the basic and simplest need.
i don have someone i can call mine.

OCCASSIONALLY, i do feel happy around someone, someone that still makes me smile genuinely. the person may not know, but i'm thankful for that person who makes things feel perfect at times.

yest, mfbm said, we hurt the ones we love.
he doesnt love me yet he hurts me everyday.
no one loves me, yet they hurt me all the time.
so the line has no meaning.
fucking baseless.

k la, if u read all the way to the end, thank you
((:

tomorrow will be a better day!