you're the best i ever had ((:

Sometimes I find it so crazy. Cause we never had anything special between us from the start, or for that matter of fact, neither did we have a smooth sailing friendship between us from the start. Then explain to me why its still so hard to let go, why is it that after all this while that we've been apart, i still hold on strongly to the feelings i have for you? Its impossible, I can't go on like that. I can't go on holding on to something that's not meant to be. I don't know how do i tell you that I can't seem to part from you. You've become an addiction, my whole life revolves around you. Around my close friends, you're all I talk about. When i'm watching tv, i think about what you might be doing. Every night before i sleep, i read your messages in my phone. When i wake up every morning, I check my phone in hopes of receiving a message from you. I try my best to occupy myself with so many things, just trying to get you off my mind even if its just for a minute. I've really tried my best to break away from you. But i've never been good at it, i've just never been able to let go of people i love easily. It makes me miserable but strangely i've grown use to this feeling. I have a strange love hate relationship with you. Sometimes I thank god for letting me meet you in this lifetime cause you gave me a new lease of life. When i was troubled, and poured my problems out to you, you were never there to catch me fall, you shunned me away, but somehow you being around, just your presence helps me overcome everything. But then again, there are times that i hate you, times that i wish i never knew you cause of the mean things you did. And i know the reasons of all ur mean actions, you'd just like me to get over you soon enough so you don't feel burdened by my feelings towards you. If only you knew what its like to really love someone to an extent that you're willing to do just so much for that one person. People tell me you're mean, you're a bastard, you're an asshole, you're not worth it, I listen to them and agree with them at times, but deep down i know you're not. Deep down i know, you're just one of the nicest human beings around. Well, whatever the matter is, I'd just never want to lose you completely. I've lost you as someone i love, hopefully i don't lose you as a friend.

&as for now, memories of the laughter we shared, silly arguments we had and stuff we did are enough to keep me smiling. Thoughts of what could have been kill me sometimes.

iloveyou

KAES, sorry emo post entry. good night ((: breakfast tmr at 9 with jac, nicole and allison!