I LOVE JAG.
he bought me char kway teow today when i called him and whined about how much i have a craving for it!
I THINK JAG IS HOT, come one, he's not just hot..
BABY, YOU'RE FUCKING HOT! haha!

& so mundane school life has taken its toll on me and i feel like i have lost the drive to study a really long time ago. suddenly i really don't know why i'm still here, suddenly it feels like i realise that retaining hasn't brought me anywhere and i should get out of here asap cause i know there are other opportunities out there for me. yet, despite knowing it all, i'm not ready to leave, not now at least. im not willing to leave behind somethings yet, or rather some people.

please mum & dad, don't force me into this.
less than 2 weeks left for me to convince them to make me stay, and the only way out is for me to study, show them that im studying real hard here.

i'd do anything to make sure i stay.

things i really really MUST get my hands on soon once i clear my $100 debt with carisa and get more allowance to splurge on myself.
*pink adidas bottle.
*body shop lime green bottle perfume.
*that piercing i wanna get done on my ear.
there's more but these 3 are the burning desires right now!

cause when you're around,
i find myself smiling for no reason all the time.
what's so special about you?

some days I make it through & then there's nights that never end.

i try to.....
its futile nevertheless.

thank god i found you,
you make life so much brighter.

"I want my girlfriend to be fat and ugly,
so that no other guy will take her away from me"

&eversince peiru told me about her heart wrenching yet warm, romantic and sweet fairytale she experienced a few years back, i've been caught thinking alot. Yes, those are the words every not-so-good-looking girl would love to hear. guys like that are simply priceless and hard to get by cause right now, many guys, whether they are good looking or NOT, often look for pretty charming girls. well lets give them the benefit of the doubt that they really do love the girls alright, but besides that, the girls also mostly serve as a showpiece for his friends. cause when she walks by, he want his friends to go, "wow, thats a good catch."

but well, i don't really blame guys cause its human nature to find a partner thats super good looking. i am guilty of that too.

but somehow, i feel so touched by what peiru's ex said. its just that those words said can make anyone feel so special. the things he did for her, the things he said to her is omething every girl would love to experience in life at least once.

not many guys are like him today and i read somewhere,
"a girl can like a fat guy but a guy can never like a fat girl"

exactly my point, which explains my fate.

my fate lies at just staing at the guy im head over heels for now.
all i can do is stand by the side and secretly fall deeper into him every single moment.
& deny the fact that i love him every other time.

beyond that, i know i stand no where now.

i wish the guys i loved could look deeper into me, i wish they could see that i would do anything to make them happy, i wish they would know, that when i say i love you, i mean it.

you can fill me up, you can tear me apart.

oh wells, anyway, i m back to maths now ((:
goodbye people.

today i did something quite bad? had initial thoughts of skipping school cause i was really tired and i could barely get myself off bed in the morn, so slept longer till about 1o plus. got up, &i realised that it was really boring at home cause my mum was too busy entertaining her clients and had no time for me. so in the end, i got dressed in my school uni, told my mum i was going to school but ended up in arisa's house.

its called truancy. im not proud of it, i feel bad actually lying to my mum.
but well, first and last time, i promise ((:

watched this japanese drama at her place and it kinda gotme moved so im gonna beg her to lend it to me once her mum is done. besides that, got some homework done.

after that met mummy at ntuc and i swear i tool full advantage of the fact that i was out with her cause i bought everything that i had my eyes on. the cereals, snacks, bottled drinks, twiggies, chocolates. now whoever comes to my place will have alot of food to feast on!

what i read really did hurt me bad. cause it came from you.
now i know why.

Baby, you have become my addiction
I'm so strung out on you

i typed his in 2 mins 05 secs ((:

JAG's a loser! he sends me stuff like this!

hello world,
im back from the highlands and the getaway was very much appreciated and i must say i had alot of fun ((: though i sat on all the thrilling rides ALONE cause the people who went with me CHICKENED OUT, still i came back feeling proud of myself. though my heart sank to my c*** b** and is still there cause of all the steep plunges the rollercoaster took, it was all worth it.

back to school after the long weekend was BAD. )): i wasn't quite in the right frame of mind, had splitting headache and a choked nose! and now im too lazy to get out of bed and finish the never ending pile of motherfucking homework.

nothing else to blog about cause of mundame school life that never fails to kill me. oh wells.

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he is nothing to you
And you don't know why

hello,
this past week has been good. you have kept me going, you have been my source of happiness, you have been my happypill. ((:

"the kind of person that can make you happy by doing the slightest thing. yet the kind of person that can tear you apart with just one word."
how very true.

i'm off to genting tomorrow morning.
will be back on saturday!
((:
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY HOLIDAYS!

& for those having their prelims coming soon,
please study very very hard. GOOD LUCK!

i am feeling temptation of the highest degree right now for doughnuts! its been a really long time since i've had one and i really need to bite on a chocolate-coated or chocolate-filled doughnut. and then i checked out the donut factory's website and the peanut butter doughnut was motherfucking tempting! ((:

someone satisfy my craving?
12 doughnuts for $11. ((:

today school ended retardedly early. well, you see, school ended at 3.10, but well compared to the other days 3.10 is not really a norm. wanted to watch disturbia or go to raffles to get donuts but had no company. so sad :((

i think NFF has knocked in a lot of sense into me. though he/she is only around SOMETIMES (we seldom talk) but each time we talk, he/she says the right things that makes everything fall back into place once again.
*NFF-new found friend ((:

your insensitivity bothers me.

i'll be your bestfriend
&you'll be my valentine
we'll be playmates &lovers
&share our secret worlds

&ifonlylifewaspictureperfecttoo

& im truly amazed at how my blog has survived this long & im yet to feel tired of blogging.

about 2 months left to the promos which very much spells my impending doom. its my second year in j1 & still i don't seem to be doing any better which is quite sad. probably cause i lost the drive of it and i only choose to do the subjects that interest me. somehow, bio does not fall under that category and its been left abandoned. i hope i get over my hatred for bio pretty soon cause i don't really want history to repeat.

im going to be totally random here but i miss malay class. i think malay class last year was really fun cause of the people i had in the class who were really fun. azwan, rohan, mark, shahril and their lameness which never failed t put me into laughing fits. mustafa who had this love for paris hilton to the point that he made jessica nicole richie. & how could i forget cikgu, thou he got pretty annoying at times, still, he did make us laugh alot.
"mark pergi pub minum bir" haha!

friends say i'm away
cos i'm down with you everyday.
they say break away
cos i'm missing out th fun & games.
but you smile
&th words they tell me quickly disappear
you speak
&thr's no other voice tht i can hear.

we'd never know how much someone can love us until we give them a chance.

((:
It’s as simple as one and two
I’m in love with you
And three and four
You’re all I adore
To the seven and eight
See I’ve been making mistakes
Cuz when you’re on my mind
I just cant think straight
Back to the five and six
I’m all in the mix and im all into you
You remain the same person that I fell for.
nothing has changed.
you're still the one i need.


detention today was motherfucking boring and draining! the weather was scorching and burning hot, though the fans in the hall were on, it didn't help much and it was so so stuffy in there! my head was spinning and i was yawning away! i know detention's not suppose to be fun or luxurious or anything but they could have made it a little bit better! i only did one maths functions ws and some organic chem qns! how unproductive! so after detention i was so drained, tired, lazy and very demanding! more demanding than my usual self!

i've got many many homework to complete by monday!
no surprise, gp essay is one of them,
"a life without challenges is not worth living, comment"
OH MY!
so not my kinda topic!

i wanna watch disturbia!
shia's so so cute!

anyway, this is for my dearest JAG!
cheer up love ((:
ginny says ginny loves your shiny-whiny-slimy-smiley!
tomorrow i'll visit you with a surprise!

& the way you make me smile,
boy, no one else can do what you do.
dear _______,
you're really nice.

shalini is so sweet and i feel so truly blessed that i got closer to her this year.
she wrote me a friendster testimonial and i promise i've never smiled like i did just now in a really long time.

here goes,
hey antony,
i hope you realise that having the ability to make others smile is a truly special gift that you have and your ability to actually laugh when things are not ok is a quality i truly admire in you. I know that not only me, but everyone who knows love you just the way you are. A special, caring, fun and trustworthy friend. One to be tresured always .So never ever feel that youre not good enough...thats just stupid n remember...ginny's not stupid..

with lots of love, your friend
Lepidus a.k.a shadow

ignore the antony and lepidus, its an inside joke. but anyhows antony refers to me, and lepidus is shalini. the testimonial made me so happy till i teared cause well, first things first, shalini isn't really a very close friend, she is close but we just haven't really reached the stage where we really open up to one another about stuff. yet, though she doesn't know much about what happens in my life, and though i haven't really told her alot of stuff, she kinds of understands whats going on somehow, which really touches the heart. she understands that though i smile and laugh everyday, i have my share of problems too. its so strange how some people who are really close to you can't see this while others can. ((: thank you shalini (i don't know if you're reading this) you're really truly sweet and special my lepidus!

& to mfbm, i don't know if you're going to read this cause i know you don't read my blog anymore cause you don't care but i'm sorry for spoiling your day today! ((: i know it was really going great till u met me and i made you depressed. i am SORRY ((:

detention tomorrow smacked right in the afternoon! 2-5pm!
GOTTA GO!

i'm not performing well in school.
i've been deproving.
every teacher has so much to say about me.
sigh.
i hate school.
:(
i wanna be smart.

who was i tryin' to kid?
everyone knows i can't _______ (fill in the blanks)