there are some silly mistakes i made and i wish i was more sensitive &cautious at that time. i wish there were times when i would think before i talk instead of just being real rash and harsh. maybe sometimes i do carry my jokes too far and offend people unintentionally or maybe sometimes thou i do not mean for things to be sacarstic, maybe just maybe sometimes, i appear to pass sacarstic comments.

farah, i miss you.
i know u're never going to read this,
but i really miss you.

i was so fucking pissed off,
but the concern you showed,
made every tear turn into a smile ((:

you got moodswings too.
today was my lucky day!

KANINA FUCK CHEEBYE.
today i didn't go to school,
and fucking hell didnt study the whole day.
cheebye.

HELLO!
I AM NOT GOING SCHOOL TOMORROW AGAIN ((:

YAY! ((:

i fucking hate school.

now i finally understand the sudden pimple breakout that i've been experiencing the past few days! PERIOD!

studied with shalini, allison and yongwen at bishan cc today, and after a while fadhil joined us! i didn't accomplish much, i got such sucky and poor time management!

someone, watch it with me next tues after 1pm, please ((:

there's something abt you,
cause all i need is your presence to
give me the reason to smile,
make me believe that everyth's gna change,
make me feel brand new.
yes la, its YOU!

I DON WANNA GO SCHOOL TOMORROW!
HOW???

&i wanna know, what exactly is she suppose to be like?

DARYLF. I MISS YOU PLENTY!!

(: im so happy today!


today was different from every other day surprisingly. the day flew by, even the 1 1/2 hour bio lesson did not feel draggy &boring. &aft sch i met MFBM! FINALLY! though its only been one week since we last met but i miss him like fuck la. thou he looked so stress upon meetin me and hardly spoke and didnt feel as much joy as me to meet after one week, i felt more than happy to be finally able to see him cause i thought he'd probably disappear after the last time we met. so i didnt complain abt his lack of enthusiasm. God answered a prayer! hahas. and maybe one more reason why i'm happy is cause,
IM NOT ATTENDING SCHOOL TOMORROW! ((:

yea, you really are.

every morning, i wake up to find myself contemplating if i should attend or skip school.

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back
Why did you have to go?
So now I'm all alone,
you could have stayed
With you not around it's a little bit more then I can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you have to go away?
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it
What will it take to make you come back?

today was such a fucking fucked up day, probably one of th lousiest day i've had all year. lack of sleep the previous night led to terrible moodswings &after half the day i got really moody, hungry & sleepy.

rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

anyways, after school we celebrated zhiqiang's birthday at amk hub!((:
arisa, peiru, jieying, joel, kaiheng, honren, zhiqiang & i!
been such a long time since we all went out TOGETHER!
pepper lunch-ed, made SO MUCH NOISE in pepper lunch, bough zhiqiang a fruit cake, sang him a birthday song, cam-whored a little bit.
yea, so towards the end of the day, my moods were a little more controllable! ((:

&yet again today i have neglected my studies,
i really hope tt i'll start studying tmr.
SIGH!

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

THIS IS FOR MY PEIRU! ((:

The person who tagged you : PEIRU!

The most memorable thing she has done for you : i've known her for a very short span of time &yet she has done so many things alr. the bestest would be when i needed a collar pin badly cause i had some test &i couldn't get it from anyone so she sneaked to the Go to get me one! ((: so sweet!

The most memorable words she said to you : she doesn't say it to me, but whenever she says it, i get amused, her sexy way of calling "HONREN" &when she says "but IF right!" hahas!

If she becomes your lover, you will? i will make sure arisa stays 10m away from her AT ALL TIMES!

If she is your lover, what improvement/s would you like to see her changing : she's so comel already!!

If she becomes your enemy, you will? that day will never come.

The reason why she becomes my enemy? SHE FLIRTS WITH ARISA! &they go out together and hold hands in town! GRRRR!

The most desire thing you would like to do for her: i wish i could get back her love for her so that she can live happily again! but since thats rather impossible, for now i wish i could financially support all her materialistic needs &buy her all the accesories, bags, belts, tops, shorts she wants!

Your overall impression of her: the bestest girlfriend anyone could wish for, truly a gem!

hi today i woke up thinking about you






&the rest of the day too.

SCORCHING HOT SUN,
HUNGER PANGS,
A HEAVY SHOULDER BAG,
BODY FATIGUE,
CONSTANT SELF-REMINDER TT THE PROMOS ARE NEARING,
& ORGANIC CHEM TROUBLES,

not exactly the kind of saturday you would wish for.
shalini &i whined all morning&afternn.
haha, but shalini is so freaking cute &no matter how fucked up the day, she salvages it.
LOVE MY SHALU ((:

arisa tagged me &now i have to waste 5 mins of my life doing this!

The person who tagged you : ARISA ((:

The most memorable thing she has done for you : oh thr's many, i can't just name one. listening to my problems till late at night, sending me sweet cheer up msges, writing me cards or buying small things to cheer me up. the most memorable by far, when i was down & had cravings for secret recipe cake, & after jap class she appeared at my door to deliver my cake &make me smile! ((: & on another occassion when she bought me mini muffins! love her like fuck!

The most memorable words she said to you : "ginny, though you keep saying you are cute &tell me that i am not cute, i still love you alot. soplease smile."-this touched my heart in a million&one ways!

If she becomes your lover, you will? KILL ZHIQIANG! ((:

If she is your lover, what improvement/s would you like to see her changing : i love her for who she is already ((:

If she becomes your enemy, you will? throw darts, rotten tomatoes & cool cucumbers at her face!

The reason why she becomes my enemy? SHE HOLD PEIPEI'S HAND AGAIN!

The most desire thing you would like to do for her: to prove to her how truly special she is &make her realise that she's beautiful both inside &outside, cause till today she doesn't know.

Your overall impression of her: SO COMEL & BLUR!

List out your top 5 birthday presents you wish for :
1. YOU!
2. for carisa, constance, xinying, valencia & shihui to spend the day at sh's condo!
3. a trip to the zoo with close friends or someone special! (always wanted this)
4. to celebrate it at the bbq pit near my hse with WILDCATS &order kfc &play sparklers again ((:
5. MONEY!

How do you think people around you feel about you : a couple of them truly value me, a couple of them think im a good pasttime for them

The character you love about yourself : my ability to forgive &forget.

On the contrary, what do you hate about yourself : my physical appearance.

The most ideal person you would like to be with : i dig guys with a good sense of humour! besides that nice broad shoulders will do! &anyone tt'll accept me for the person i am?

What do you want to say to your loved ones : I LOVE YOU TOO!

Pass this quiz to 9 friends whom you wish to know how they feel about you :
1. arisa ((: ( haha, its called backtagging! now you have to tell me what u feel abt me)
2. PEI PEI! (now you have to do it for me &arisa)
3. fadhil ( since you're a school dropout &you're rather free, i'm sure u cld spare some time!)
4. YONGWEN!
5. carisa ( i know you really hate stuff like that!)
6. valencia (you hate this too! TOO BAD, do it for me)
7. VALERIE HAN! (i miss you!)
8. MEISY! ((:
9. shihui (she doesnt have a blog, so she'll email it to me! hahas)

When was the last time you chatted with #3 : yesterday.

What kind of music does #8 like : i think nice soothing love songs?

Does #6 has any siblings : YES! younger sis&bro!

Will you woo #3 : hmms, tried & failed? HAHA!

How about #7 : yea, why not!

Is #4 single : should be.

Surname of #5 : CHOW KAR MUN!

Nickname of #1 : nothing yet, but how abt blur like fuck?

What's the hobby for #5 : SHOPPING!

Do #5 and 9 get along well : yes! ((: they're fellow toiletgangers!

Where is #3 studying at : OH! he just dropped out of school! DROPOUT ((:

Have you tried develop feelings for #1: i know she has developed feelings for me! ((:

Where does #9 live : thomson

What colour does #4 dislike : red, white &navy blue! LOL!

Is #1 and 3 best friends : nope, prob acquaintances. &they share the same bday!

Does #7 likes #2 : nope!

How do you know #2 : through honren! &that's the best thing hr has ever done for me!

Does #5 owns a pet : nope!

DONE ((: those whom i've tagged, please do it ((:
be a sport!

Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand

this week has really been bad. something has really been affecting me &due to that i haven't quite been on form. i've suddenly really lost this drive to go back to school, like this sudden feeling whr sch has loss ALL meaning. &every morning i drag my corpse outta bed. then i've been skipping lessons cause im unable to concentrate and stuff & so many teachers have been talking to me. first ms chua, then ms tan, then ms ng. &they all seem to knw the reason why im being like that.

&ms tan's really nice ((:

THE CAR PLATE ((: so pretty!

anw i am a lark today because i got my dose of estacsy!
though it only lasted for a while, but i was glad.
God's been so good to me!
thank YOU ((:
go figure!

All the thoughts lead back to you

i said 3 days.
today is the 3rd day
&im not feeling anything,
so this is goodbye.
its not you, its just me.

school's been getting the better of me. the promos are in the corner & of all times, i've actually lost the momentum to study when the promos are like f-ing 2 weeks away. im not even halfway thru my preparations. &even when i do actually put myself to study, all i do is chem and that too, after reading 5 pages of the notes, i feel distracted and digress to something else more appealing.

if i could press rewind,
lets pause at the day whr u made everything so special,
now i have to live with memories of the yesterdays that help me pull through today.

if you like someone, let them go, if they're meant to be yours, they're bound to return.

have you ever spared a thought about me?
when you walked away just now, didn't even for once did your heart tell you to stop & turn back.
you treat me like trash.
everytime we meet you leave me crying, why do you do this to me?
really, what have i ever done to you.

you can't lose what you never had.
truth is, i never had you.

so then why am i so afraid of losing you the friend in you?
why do i still find means and ways to hold on to you?

i've never been of much importance in anyone's life,
what made me think i was important for you.

whats wrong with me?
someone hold me & tell me i am not alone please.
someone just tell me you actually need me & you value me.

i just saw smth i wish i hadn't.
screw you.

today was a great day ((:
God really does listen, thank you God.

my favourite apple tree!

It's every little thing you do
That makes me fall in love with you
There isn't a way that I can show you
Ever since I've come to know you
It's every little thing you say
That makes me wanna feel this
There's not a thing that I can point to
'Cause it's every little thing you do

Is it your smile or your laugh or your heart?
Does it really matter why I love you?
Anywhere there's a crowd, you stand out
Can't you see why they can't ignore you
If you wanna know
Why I can't let go
Let me explain to you
That every little dream comes true
With every little thing you do

hello 128, here's the farewell gift we got fadhil ((:

lets hope he doesn't forget us after eating all the muffins kae? hahas ((:


ooh, & thanks to my mum, i got myself the topshop wallet that i was eyeing!

No if you're ever wondering
About the way I'm feeling
Well, there ain't no question
Just to be around you is a blessing.
Just as cliched as it seems,
when i count my blessings, i count you twice,
cause from the time i met you,
my life changed...for the better.
you brightened up my life.

Did I ever do anything that was this cruel to you?
Did I ever make you wonder who was standing in the room?
You made yourself look perfect in everyway
& made me fall deeper every other day
Your plan has worked so now you can just walk away
All along, there was a stranger in my life.

&i realised, despite knowing you,
truth is, i never knew you.

last night, i ALMOST fainted! my new piercing kinda dropped off, so as my mum was trying to put it back on for me, i think she kinda hit a nerve that she wasn't suppose to and suddenly i turned so pale and my legs grew so weak and i just collapsed on the floor. i was still conscious and could hear my mum screaming for my dad, cousin and brother, but i was just too weak i guess. my mum panicked till she cried, like she felt really scared that her daughter was going to die cause of a piercing! haha! she's so cute &hell do i love her alot. yea, so now my ear is badly infected but that doesn't mean i'm going to let the hole close. wait till i'm on the verge of losing my ear!

ARGH! im not studying! :((

SHOP TILL YOU DROP ((:

gp paper 1 test was a killer! the questions were annoyingly difficult & my lack of general knowledge on many issues left me crossing out almost every other option that in the end, i amazingly found myself with only 2 out of 12 questions left to consider. anyhows, i have come to realise that my time management sucks as i scribbled a three-line concluding paragraph!

anyway, after the torturous gp paper (thank god i didn't have to stay for paper 2, kinda pitited those that had to) met kaiheng & off we headed town where we later met arisa. & later on joel joined us! KFC-ed and then the hunt for present began! ZHIQIANG'S & CYNTHIA'S BIRTHDAY PRESENTS! so we started off from fareast, to wisma, to taka, to paragon, to heeren, to cinelesure, back to paragon and then back to fareast! HAHAS! we contemplated over many gifts but well we finally got what we initially decided from the very start of our journey!

the dress kaiheng bought for cynthia!
the dress and the birthday girl are gonna compliment one another ((:

arisa and i had had LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT with this dress,
and thou it took alot of time, we finally managed to convince kaiheng tt it was nice!
& he got her a carplate too! when i collect it on wed, will upload its pic!
kaiheng's sucha sweet boyfriend!

too bad i can't upload what we got zqq cause he'll see it if i post it, so too bad! zqq will have to wait patiently!

arisa feeling so content with her free lollipop!

OH! &i met WANRONG today, after a really really long time! NEH NEH! ((:

yea, the impending guilt of me being in town when its only 2 weeks away from promos is on the verge of killing me & as sleepy and tired as i really am, i shall forego my naptime and bury myself straight into organic chem! ((:

WHERE'S PEIRU?
means peiru missed out ALL the fun we had! HAHA!

Now i'm missing you.

HAHAHAHA!

today, in school, time literally crawled. besides the laughter, chit-chat sessions & jokes we crack as a class, &most importantly the fact that tan su linn has been in an exceptionally fantastic mood, there's still an emptiness(i probably know the reason why) &right now, i just cannot wait for the term to get over and done with. just a few more weeks, but it feels as though its taking forever.

yet, i wish the end of school year doesn't come to an end soon causethen it would mean that arisa, zhiqiang, kaiheng, joel and hon ren would be leaving soon & next year, i'm gonna have to do school without them. sigh, but well that's only if i promote right? DOUBLE SIGH!

sucks, and not like monday to friday isn't already bad enough, teachers still find the need to call us back on saturdays to sit for paper 1 and paper 2 tests. ARGH. after the test, meeting up with kaiheng, arisa & joel and i'm finally getting to go town ((: the bestest thing that's probably happening this week.

&i'm letting go of something special,
something that i can never have again.
its not gonna be easy.

:(

& CHAD, DON'T YOU DARE LOOK DOWN ON MY GUTS EVER AGAIN! ((:
see, i warned you and reminded you perpetually that im really daring, but you chose to believe that you knew girls well enough, & they talk only with no action!
THINK AGAIN! ((:
yay! im gna get salmon and mushroom pasta!

the latest nano, HOTSEX!

today, i went to my dad's office at tanjong pagar at ard 6 plus & in case you haven't watched the news and updated yourself, that area experienced tremors today! & i was on the 13th floor with my dad and some of his colleagues and we felt the ground under us shake! THE HORRORS I HAD! my goodness! so yea we had to evacuate the building and everything, i must say a pretty exciting experience?

& then met karan for dinner at j8 and on the way back, i had a very nasty experience. im pretty freaked out now and so are my parents, so we made a police report. i'm still trembling at the fact that i had 2 drunk middle aged indian man follow me and i had to hide at the 3rd level of some block near my place until they left before returning home. scary like fuck. thank god desmond and mary spoke to me while i was in hiding at the 3rd level!

pretty eventful day right?

I LOVE MUTTONS ((:

&I'm gonna miss you
like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life

(to those that read the earlier post where i vented like ALOT of anger out, i've decided to curb my anger a little more by editing it and making it less obvious. & for those who tagged, i'm sorry but i deleted the tags.)

& this is NOT for farah. thankyou.
& the rest don't fucking jump into conclusions and think its for anyone of you.

hello loved ones, if you feel down and under, and you feel like you need to hurt someone, you actually need someone to vent out all your anger on, you know just to make yourself feel better by the end of the day, don't hesitate, take a queue number and stand in line, cause i'm an idiot. when i love someone or when i have someone thats close to my heart, i let the person vent everything out on me. so why not be the next?

i'm so fucking tired of pleasing people.
i'm so fucking tired of always being the one in the wrong, the one that apologises & always trying to be the one that straightens everything out.

so from today, here it is, unless i realise i really make a mistake, then obviously i'd genuinely be apologetic and stuff but if i feel that you're getting up my nerves, you're taking advantage of my niceness, you're ALWAYS being unreasonable, then you know,
you can jolly well go fuck a spider.

&yes i have come to realise that i'm seriously of no importance to you. they say, you don't know what you've got until you lose it. if you have a heart, somewhere in there, i hope you'll realise how much you mean to me one day.

SUNDAY NIGHT ALREADY!
& its back to school like tomorrow morning. DANG.

anyway the last few days of the holidays have been pretty rejuvenating. as long as i am away from the school compound, i think the day is very well-spent even if it being at home the whole day, rotting with my mum. thank god my mum hasn't been much of a pain lately. &i've got up with so much sleep, that if tomorrow i go to school and complain i'm tired, feel free to slap me ((:

saturday evening and night was the sex.
in the evening, dined with allison at amk park macs. ALLISON'S SO SO CUTE! as she was relating her troubles to me, trying her best to confide in me, all i could do was laugh as she related her problems cause her facial experssions were priceless. like i was suppose to be serious and try to help her out, but i couldn't and i just burst out laughing at everything she said. rather insensitive of me, but i really couldn't help it! then she was so sweet, cause she walked me all the way back home cause she said she enjoyed my company! YAY! i love having people walk me back!

then once she left, around 11plus went down to meet sunny's soccer guys along with jag and karan. &thou i vowed and swore not to touch a drop of liquor, i must say the temptation took over and i left the void deck all high and drunk! chivas and bacardi, really not a good combination. haha, and sunny had a difficult time bringing me home! hopeless drunkard!

today morning, i could hardly get up, had a splitting headache but as promised i went down to eton playhse to help fel finish painting. came back around 2, literally DIED on bed. i still have a hangover cause i really feel like puking and my head hurts like fuck right now.

& then again, life isn't always good right.
so there's this motherfucker who has gained interest in my life and has been creating hell for me making me look like some fucking desperate lovergirl. cheebye la this people, fucking free. &those who have been victims of this person's acts, its up to you if you're gg to trust me cause i don't give a fuck anymore.

&you have been so cold recently.

for those that bothered to read thru the long post, here's a treat for you ((:

Caged without a key
Everyone comes to stare at me
With so much joy and rivalry
They don't know how I feel inside
Through my smile I cry
They don't know what they're doing to me

We've played enough games by now,
Aren't you tired already?
I need a breather from you.

dinner with allison at amk park macs later.

bio now.

hello new found friend ((: thanks for the tag. yea, it was nice meeting you for the very first time and i'm sorry for putting you in a spot when i literally broke down in front of you. but thanks for listening. ((:

ONCE,
& you felt it already.
EVERY OTHER fucking TIME,
& yet you never felt it.

&i really wanna let go of you.

STUDY STUDY STUDY!
so yea,
from 10th Sept,
i'm gonna have,
22days to GP paper
29 days to chem paper
30 days to maths
31 days to bio & lit

ARGH!

you'll probably never understand the joy i feel around you.

its something i can never tell you.

you'll probably never understand the pain when you remind me its going to end soon.
its something you might not feel.

i don't wanna lose you.

& i present the cutest rat ever ((:

the lyrics on my blog are just not lyrics.
they do have meanings behind them.

& just cause they're not meant for you,
you don't have to go all sore about it.

i don't give a fuck abt what u say.

im envious.

And you can't lose what you never had

I don't understand why I feel sad

Well I can't let go

No, I cant let go of you

You're holding me back without even trying to.

I can't let go

I can't move on from the past

Without lifting a finger you're holding me back.

So many things I wanna know the answers to

Wish I could press rewind

And rewrite every line

To the story of me and you

Don't you know I've tried and I've tried

To get you out my mind

But it don't get no better

As each day goes by

And I'm lost and confused

I've got nothin to lose
P.S. I'm still not over you.

thinking back about the past wasn't something i expected myself to be doing right now, but eversince yest when i poured out 1/4 of my lifestory, i suddenly feel an overwhelming feeling of anger and everything negative that you can possibly think off. i don't regret anything i did in the name of love, but it just hurts to know that i was never taken seriously, i was your tool. & he says he's sorry, as though its going to give me back what i have lost, as though its gonna make everything right again.

i've been used. umpteen times. by YOU.

6 years.