& so the block test FINALLY came to an end on friday with a cruelsome maths paper that made my head spin. the library basement was bloody cold and the maths paper was fucking nasty (like every other paper). but well, all said & done, i know that i have really screwed up the blocks and so i've promised myself that after this weekend, i shall start studying very religiously ((:

ANYWAY screw the blocks,

on friday, after maths, arisa and i went down to town to meet farah and mary for transformers! AHHHH! great stress reliever babeh! so since we were slightly early for the movie, the 4 of us idiots were camwhoring away at level 5 of cine with half the world onlooking us! but well, who cares about the world when you are having fun right! ((:

TRANSFORMERS WAS A SUPER DUPER MOVIE! AHHH! the best movie i've watched this year, beats POC 2 and fantastic 4! the first halfof the move was so funny and the second half was so full of action that you are caught staring at the screen with your mouth wide open! LADIES MAN 217! A must watch, definately! after the movie, went to esplanade to sit and chill for some time before i had to leave to pick my bro up from tuition!

PICTURES ((:

radcliffe and nomura, i love them!my rambut GOTTA GO!
there are many more pics but farah is yet to send me so they'll be published next post!

TODAY, WENT TOWN WITH FARAH & MARY

so mary and i made this really last minute town plan. met peiru and honren and did this survey for them on carrot juices! haha! quite cool! and peiru gave me the biggest and tightest hug when she saw me! HEHE! i felt so loved! then after a while i managed to get farah down. so we ate, walked, window shopped, took neoprints, walked in kinokuniya, went to taka's library, and then made ourselves comfortable on the floor outside taka's lib not giving a damn about the world! ((: well, i wore my heels again, so no points for guessing what happened to my poor poor little toes right!

PICTURES ((:

HELLO MARY ((:
CHEER UP BOY!
you know you always have us by your side,
stay strong!

my NASTY heelsmy POOR toes


hi, how was your day?
i hope you're doing fine.

sorry zhiqiang, i stole this lyrics from your blog.
((:
its been a long time since i've heard this song
& the lyrics just speak alot.

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Eventhough I’m down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about…

((: speaks alot yes?

anyway today was a great day with 3 best friends
farah, arisa and mary.
but i'm too tired to blog now
plus farah's yet to send me the pictures,
so i shall blog tomorrow

but before i go,
dearest mary, i know things have been very rough for you and i know you're going through alot now. seeing you in the state you were today really did hurt alot cause you're a friend that matter alot and i really hated the sight of the pain you were going through. i've never seen you like this before. well mary, as a friend, i'd really wish that everything works out all fine for you and i hope to be your strength like how you were mine when i was down. its all gonna take time, and you know i'd be there with you till the very end.
please cheer up ((: i miss my happy mary!

alright,
i'm off,
*loves ((:

In times like that,
when i feel this way about life,
when i feel that life is pointless,
when i feel detached from everything,
when i lose what i once had,
when i wish everything could just go back to normal,
when i wish i could still love,
when i wish he could love me,
i wish there's someone,
someone that could tell me,
don't worry, everything's going to be alright,
i'm here with you.
and then out of the blue,
you come to me,
and you say the things which make everything feel so right again.
you make me realise that there's more to life.
you make me realise what's in my history cannot be in my future.
you just say the right things that restore the strength in me.
and i wish i could tell you how truly indebted i am to you.

thank you so much ((:

you're my new found friend

someway, let me know you want me

this is crazy,
i've never felt this way before.
why is this happening now?

AMIR, thank you so much for droppping by my place yesterday! ((: it felt so so good to see you after a really long time! sipping coffee from nescafe cans under my block beats coffee at coffee bean, don't you think so? haha! 2 more days of misery for me, then we'll meet, this time with the rest of the gang! much loves ((:

chem block tests later, and i haven't touched any chem since i got back home yesterday. 2nd last paper, i've lost the drive to study, well not like i had the drive in the first place but now i'm all drained out. chem bonding & IMF, i know nuts about them )): damnit.

i wish i studied for bio, cause the paper was easy and pretty much manage-able. i didn't study and thats why i couldn't do the paper. 23 marks gone. ARGH. well like what kaiheng said, "i shall start studying after the blocks, means the block test not counted." haha!

i think i am going crazy. its either i am the one thats going crazy, or the whole world is crazy and i am the only sane one. i've been on an emotional rollercoaster ride for far too long already. one moment you catch me smiling and laughing and the next i have tears in my eyes and then you see me breaking down, and then back to the same cycle where i smile and laugh. it's just crazy and i cant seem to understand myself either. i feel so detached from the rest of the world. aiya, ok i have no idea how to explain exactly what i feel, but you do get me right?

& yea i love my dad, cause he just walked in my room and gave me $50. ((:

paper at 3, i shall make myself productive now! ((:

its time we work things out.
you know and i know this is not the way we want things to be.

MFBM, i am sorry. please forgive me. i promise i won't be like a bitch anymore. but even if i do have my moody days, please be patient with me. i promise to be a nice girl from today. don't avoid me and my messages. and don walk away from me at mrt stations. please forgive me.

*innocent smile*

i am sorry for treating you like my punching bag, i'm sorry for calling you those names, i'm sorry for behaving like such a bitch today. i'm really sorry. well, the problem with me when i'm depressed, i tend to vent it out on people that are close to me. i tend to say things that i know will hurt them. i know i said that i was being mean cause i was taking revenge on what you did but i hope you know that really isn't the case. i just need you to understand me, thats it. i need you to be the one that there's for me. i just need you to be more patient with me. i know its really hard for you to hear all this from me, but i just need your support right now. i really don't know what i want either. i just wanted to be that person that could make you smile, that could make you love. i wanted to feel loved again cause you had the ability to make me feel brand new again. when i'm with you, i feel an overwhelming sense of joy. you really made me and then when you broke me, i just couldn't believe that the same person who could make me so happy, could just crash everything in just a moment. no, i'm not angry with you and you still mean alot more to me. nothing has changed and i still do feel very very happy around you and i look forward to seeing you everyday. when i finally see you in the mornings, i just suddenly feel irritated cause i think of how you can't be mine and that just spoils it all. but at the same time you're a really important friend. i think the biggest mistake i made was to bring love into our friendship, cause i know now i've made things difficult for not only myself but also you. well, i may appear to be mature in thoughts and all, but seriously i am a kid inside. i am stubborn and i get irritated when i don't get what i want. i tend to throw my temper around. well i know i'm being really unfair to you and i don't blame you if you would want to avoid me for the time being but things is, that's not going to help me cause it's only going to make me miss you more. it's going to make me think of you more. i'm really sorry for all the trouble that i have caused you and for hurting you with the things i've said. i promise you tomorrow will be a better day.
i am sorry ((: please don't be angry with me. best friends don't turn their backs on one another in times of need, and i need you right now. i'm sorry *smiles*

i wanna be loved. too much to ask?

when celebs get drunk,
they get down & dirty.

wanna know what zhiqiang and i talk about online,
here's an insight.

Tired W@rRiOr of MiDg@rd <:::: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going::::]==o says:

~

Tired W@rRiOr of MiDg@rd <:::: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going::::]==o says:

worm

Tired W@rRiOr of MiDg@rd <:::: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going::::]==o says:

~

[*//ginny*] these things i wish i could say BIO GOTTA GO! says:

U RIGHT NOW!

[*//ginny*] these things i wish i could say BIO GOTTA GO! says:

hahahha!

[*//ginny*] these things i wish i could say BIO GOTTA GO! says:

no time for u!

Tired W@rRiOr of MiDg@rd <:::: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going::::]==o says:

hahaha

[*//ginny*] these things i wish i could say BIO GOTTA GO! says:

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

[*//ginny*] these things i wish i could say BIO GOTTA GO! says:

i got more worms!

Tired W@rRiOr of MiDg@rd <:::: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going::::]==o says:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[*//ginny*] these things i wish i could say BIO GOTTA GO! says:

hahahahahhahahahahahah!

Tired W@rRiOr of MiDg@rd <:::: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going::::]==o says:

my worm bigger then urs lor

[*//ginny*] these things i wish i could say BIO GOTTA GO! says:

this worm games gotta stop right now!


ZHIQIANG MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND!

bio and i just ain't getting the connection with one another.
maybe its me, i can't seem to concentrate,
my mind's preoccupied with something else,
something i shouldn't be thinking about.
pfft.

life sucks, don't you think so too?

there's some things i wish i could say,
to make things right again,
but i just don't have the courage.


i wish i could.

i know i'm suppose to be studying right now,
but i have to blog! I HAVE TO!

I LOVE MY ARISA NOMURA TO BITS AND PIECES! ((:

i was painstakingly trying to study bio and trying to memorise mitosis/meiosis when arisa called and said she was reaching my house soon. i wasn't too shocked cause i expected that she might drop by but i did not expect her to drop by for this. when i opened the door, she gave me that big smile and from behind her, she slowly revealed a secret recipe plastic bag with a cake box! ((:

ARISA, i feel so touched! after jap, you made that extra journey to junction 8, then to my house just to surprise me with a cake for me to cheer up after all that's happened, and also for me to work hard for the rest of my papers and not be demoralised by lit! arisa, for the past few days your messages and calls have made me stronger and everything you say has helped! i don't know how to thank you enough and i don't know what i can do to make you happy as well, but i hope you know that i am always here for you! ((: i am really very very touched! you have no idea how happy i am now and i promise you i'd work hard for all my other papers! and thank you a gazillion billion times for making me smile! I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH! **many huggs and wet kisses**

my chocolate indulgence from my arisa nomura!

and to farah and zhiqiang ((:
FARAH: thanks for being there for me ALL the time! though now we're not in the same school and you're busy with your nasty assignments and tests, i really really appreciate the fact that you make it a point to message me and check on me and make sure i'm alright!! and if i'm not alright, i appreciate that you always make sure i smile by the end of our talks. i really love you too!! and i will try my bestest best to make u proud!

ZHIQIANG: thank you for hearing all my rants online and giving me many many advices! you always know when i'm happy or sad and thanks for being that listening ear. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! ((: (double chin smile for you) haha!

maybe its time i realise that i am the luckiest girl alive still cause i have friends like them in my life ((:
thank you so much!
i feel so loved!
LOVE YOU ALL ALOT!!!

rachel and ryan <3
the best kissers.
haha, karan doesn't it turn you on!

hello andre ((: well, if your intentions were to make me feel hopeless and unworthy of myself, then well you have succeeded cause after reading tags i've come to realise that what you have said is true. i'm not worthy of anyone's love. i'm sorry for what i did to you, i'm sorry i didn't appreciate you, i'm sorry i didn't cherish what i had before. i know you were true and yet i told you my heart was for another. if it makes you feel good, then even i haven't gotten what i wanted. i know its gonna take time for you to get over this and accept my apology but for now i just hope you stop tagging cause i really feel lousy after reading what you typed, and it made me realise how unworthy i am now. thank you ((:

ok, so lit paper was a killer! soldiers dying and shirley's messed up life.
lets not even get into the details! anyway, i think i've secured a decent U for lit cause i didn't write enough. just hope the rest of the papers are manageable or i foresee myself school-less next year! oh man, i wanna study but i am lazy too! i need company to study, i can't study alone. it never works out cause i get so distracted over the most unimportant things! gp tomorrow, then bio. you have no idea how unprepared i am for bio! arghhhhhh!

FUCK CRITICAL APPRECIATION ((:

i've made my decision!
FROM TODAY,
i shall no longer speak of him nor blog about him.
thats it, no more thinking of what has happened or what could have happened.
yes, i still like him as much as before,
but we don't always get what we want and some things are just not meant to be
he's happy with his life,
and i think i should start being happy with mine too!
if in the future, if things change and work out, then i'd be happy.
if nothing happens, i won't be sad.
it'll take time but i WILL get over what i have for him.
for now we're best friends!
YAY!

did i mention before?
I HATE STUDYING ((:

when i say i want you back on the right path, its not for myself. its not because i want you, its not because i want you to be mine. i just don't want you to be afraid to love, i don't want you to be afraid to give. i know you're not meant to be mine, you're far-fetched. i just need time to get over it but i need you back on the right path.

remember you told me, love is blind, love is selfish but most importantly love is pure. then why are you so afraid of it? why choose a pth so fast when you're yet to see what love's all about? you claim you've seen it but you only think of the negativities of love. why not look on the brighter side of things.

i hope someday you'd tell me you have changed the decision. i hope its soon

studied with mary, farah and arisa under my block today from 12 till 7,
my butt hurts now!
real bad!
blocks in a few days, i'm not at all prepared for bio.
the rest, i hope i am.
i'm going to need alot of luck.
hopefully the last minute burning midnight oil helps!

there's smth wrong with my blog's time and date thingey!

and well, today was a much better day cause i really tried my best not to think about it.
but well i just feel bittersweet about this whole thing.
i'm not too sure of exactly what i feel.
but yea i do miss him, alot.

i think she's hot.

mary and i were supposed to study together at bishan lib,
but its 9.50 and we just woke up,
so i don't think we're going to get seats.
so now i don't know where else we can study.

sigh, i feel so stoned.
i feel too tired to think.
i only think of one thing,
something i shouldn't be thinking about.

he made a choice,
a choice he'd never regret.

congrats ginny, you just made someone lose hope
in love and girls.

i know she did this for my own good,
i know she did this cause she didn't want me to be hurt,
as thankful as i am that she cared,
and as much as my love for her as a friend has grown,
some part of me regrets all that has happened,
cause i don't want to accept the fact.
i wish i never knew all this yet,
at least it gave me a reason to smile.
i wish he still said those sweet stuff,
at least it made me feel contented.
i wish i was still the one that he was willing to keep forever,
at least i felt loved for a while.
now its all ended too fast,
and i'm back to where i was again.
i wish i could love and be loved.
the best feeling anyone could get.
but now, i'm just left here to cry my heart out.

its so painful, yet i cant show it to anyone.
when i'm left alone, the tears just flow.
i wish 20th june never happened.

& i wish i could hate the fact that i loved you so.

the last time i blogged, i said blogger's closed.
well i feel quite thankful about that cause now people would think the blog no longer exists and i can be more truthful here with what i feel.
well but still people, if u read and know that i have somehow revived this blog, do tag ok! the tagboard's there for a reason! please don not read without me knowing! ((:

after the 20th of june, everything has just fell out place. things just haven been the same. i smile and i laugh, that's just cause i have to. i learnt something that cause me alot of pain, something i least expected happened. i thought it was a two way thing but well, i was wrong. it was all being misinterpreted by me. at that time, i felt like i was taken on a ride, cheated. angry, frustrated, yes i was. but now if you'd ask me, i feel thankful for what happened. cause even if what he had for me wasn't true, at least he made me one of the happiest girl in that short span of time. even if to him, it was just a passing fling, to me it meant the world cause he made me realise that he had a heart. a heart of gold. all along i thought he had no feelings, he couldn't love anyone, he couldn't keep anyone happy, but i was wrong cause in that few days where he led me on, he made me realise that his heart was pure. that made me feel happy. he didn't have to say anything to make me feel this way, cause the truth in his eyes were enough to say that he cared. i considered myself really lucky.

but well, though nothing happened between us, i still have no regrets. i'm just glad i didn't lose a best friend in the whole process. i'm just glad that though things are awkward sometimes, we manage to cover it up with smiles and laughter. his presence in my life is important and i'm not willing to lose it at any cost.

people say i'm crazy, people say i am stupid, people say i am forgiving. but its not his fault. he did warn me, he did tell me he couldn't love, but i was too stubborn. i still do love him and i still secretly hope something will work out someday but we don't always get what we want. yet, i'm going to hope.

he's decided on a direction he wants to go. something i didnt see coming. its all my fault. i wanted to make him feel love again, i wanted to be the one that could show him the beauty of love again but somehow i failed. i wanted him to realise that a girl could really care, that a relationship based on love could last. i was willing to give him everything i could.

"Thing is, I can accept anyone, straight, gay, lesbian but never a bisexual cause you're neither here nor there. You dont love one true sex, you're just leaving your options open seeking love and lust from both sides. To me, you were just one of those jerks around, who made use of people to satisfy your dirty desires."

i regret saying this cause i didn't know him well enough the last time. i was too harsh with the way i thought about him. but now after spending these few months with him i realised that he is truly a special person. he made me realise that he had feelings, he did think about those around him. i wish i hadn't said all this. i've caused him pain, with the words i've said. but i never meant it that way. i just loved him and i didn't wanna lose him but somehow i lost him, and it all turns out to be my fault.

its so painful right now cause i know that nothing can work out now. he's chosen a side and he's happy with his decision. yet, i really hope someday i would be able to show him love again cause i want him back on the straight path, not for me, but for him. cause i know he deserves to be loved. he just doesn't quite know it. i didnt want him to feel that love was painful.i never meant for that to happen.

i said that he couldn’t keep a girl happy, that he could only break hearts, but all that was said in anger cause i was hurt. but deep down, he doesnt know how happy he has made me. how fortunate i feel that he did at least have that little bit of feelings for me. though he got over them soon enough but yet i feel thankful that he did likeme even if it was for a while. he's not a heartbreaker.he just doesnt dare to give. i wish he could break out of the past. he said the past experiences make him who he is today but why does it play such a big part. everyone's past is bitter but don't we all have to move on? then why is he so afraid? who would hurt him again? how do i explain to him that he just needs to love the right person?

i wish i could explain everything to him. i wish i could change everything again.
but its just too late now.

well at least i didnt lose a best friend ((:
thats one reason that i can smile about.

i think we're pretty mature people cause we didnt let this whole incident affect our friendship. as friends, we still treasure one another a whole lot. i just wish i could tell him everything and clear what i said before. i just hope he changes that decision or i'd never forgive myself.